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Official Wedding Bloggage

January 20, 2009

My wedding isn’t for 18 months (I checked yesterday). So I’m not exactly in the planning stages yet. I’m in the pre-planning stages, at this point. However, there are already a number of major concerns / issues / topics that keep coming up.

  1. Finances – by the time this wedding rolls around, I will be at the end of my Masters. The program that I am applying for suggests that you do not work while getting your Masters. Josef will hopefully be working full time, but this will be to support both of us. We are not wealthy. This means that some, most, or all of the wedding budget will probably come from our parents. We intend to have a small budget, regardless. This means no DJ, no multi-level cake, no limos. However, we do intend to have a large guest list (100ish people, at last count), and we have a couple of priorities (mine are the dress and the photographer). I started looking for “budget wedding” websites and blogs. Most of them suggest that a $10,000 wedding is pretty low-budget.  I shouted in horror when I saw that. I have since found websites that have weddings for under $2,000, and I have also considered the few weddings that I have been to. I guarantee that none of them cost $10,000. This made me relax a bit.
  2. Non-religious ceremony – Josef is an atheist, an I am . . .  well, I guess you could call me agnostic, but I’m not sure that that is the proper term. Because of this, we do not want a religious ceremony. That might cause a teeny kerfuffle with family, as his is sort of religious (the type that goes to church regularly but won’t bore you by talking about it), and mine is sort of traditional, though not religious. The real trouble comes with the location and the officiant. We are probably going to be married in a church, because they are pretty, already have seating (and usually a reception hall as well, so we won’t have to rent tables, etc), and are often inexpensive/free if you use them when no church services are occurring. However, it seems unlikely that we can arrange a non-religious ceremony in a church. It also seems unlikely that the officiant that comes with the church will be willing to perform such a ceremony (which we will probably create ourselves, from our own imaginations and resources on the web), so we might have to find another officiant. However, these troubles may be solved by marrying at a Unitarian Church. They are pretty relaxed, and Josef’s father got married in one in Louisville. We are thinking of being married in the same church. I’m kind of interested in going to a Unitarian church anyhow, so this works well.
  3. Keeping our vision – We’re not positive what our vision is yet, but we know we’ll have one. Between us, we’ve been to perhaps 8 weddings. Many of his family members are musicians who regularly perform at weddings. They know what proper etiquette is. They know How Things Should Be Done. That’s scary. We have only two major goals for our wedding. The first is to ensure that our friends and family have a good time, and enjoy each others’ company and ours while celebrating the start of our lives together. The second is that we have a ceremony/reception that truly displays our love for each other and our commitment to spend the rest of our lives together. Did you hear me say anything about place settings? Programs? Favors? Matching bridesmaid dresses? Canapes?  Good. Those things aren’t important to us. The trouble will be convincing our families that we aren’t going to embarrass them with our off-the-wall wedding. We just want it to be unique and personal, and unlike a lot of other couples that I’ve read about, “unique and personal” doesn’t mean that we’re going to choose peach and rose instead of pink and red for our wedding colors.

So yeah, that’s what I’ve been thinking about the last few days/weeks/months. I’ve been setting aside pages torn out of magazines, carefully saving links, and making notes in my google documents about cool reception ideas. It’s fun. But what is really important about this whole process is the relationship. This morning, walking alone in the snow after a night awake, I asked myself “Is there anyone you’d rather be with than Josef? Can you create a person in your head who is more suited for you? Do you have any doubts about your ability to create and maintain a happy life together?” And the answer to all of these was no. I think that if we can just focus on our two goals and on each other, this 18 month process will be an enjoyable one and will culminate in a day that we’ll remember for the rest of our lives.

One Comment leave one →
  1. January 21, 2009 9:30 pm

    Check out
    They have some really neat ideas and good advice on how to deal with family and the like.

    I agree that a church may be hard to book if you aren’t doing a religious ceremony, and a lot of religions require some sort of “class” before they will agree to do the service.

    Keep your vision and keep to what feels right for you and J. This isn’t about anyone else.

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