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February Blog Carnival Part 1

February 12, 2009

I’ve been wavering back and forth (because that is, you know, how wavering works) on whether or not to participate in this month’s blog carnival, and on what my topic would be. I could write a sweet love letter to my fiance, which would probably make everyone all gaggy and annoyed. I could write a breakup letter to my ex, since I never wrote one, but it’s likely to get pretty ugly and it would reveal a lot of stuff that he probably doesn’t want revealed. Or I could write a silly love / breakup letter that would have everyone amused.  To end the suspense for you, I’ve decided to do all three. This post will be the serious breakup letter, with an amusing video breakup at the end to lighten the mood. Next will come a silly letter in a day or two, and then sweet on Saturday, to celebrate Valentine’s Day. I would like to preface this letter with the warning that it is not for the faint of heart. If you have any doubts about reading it, don’t, just come back in a day or two and read the silly one. Ready? OK!

Dear loser,

I would like, since our actual breakup was a while ago, to remind you of the basic facts of our relationship. Since you were apparently living in an alternate reality during a fair portion of the relationship, this should prove enlightening.

  • We had class together in high school. I didn’t like you. In fact, I strongly disliked you, and had a crush on your friend.
  • You, being the Alpha Male that you are, couldn’t have this, since your friend was clearly inferior. You made a bet that you could make me like you in three days. It worked. Congratulations.
  • We went to a picnic. I got a ride with your friend, but that didn’t matter. We kissed. This was a mistake on my part, as I had a boyfriend (albeit one that I was unhappy with). I refused to break up with my boyfriend, because things were happening too fast. You and your friends were furious, and I was shunned.
  • We got to college, and I was ready to dump the boyfriend. We became an “item.”
  • Some months passed. Our relationship was unbelievably great. You revealed that your plan had been to get me to fall in love with you and then break my heart, because I had apparently damaged your pride by rejecting you the first time. I was stupid, and said “aww, I’m so glad you didn’t decide to do that.” I stayed.
  • Spring semester of college. You had failed most of your classes the first semester, taken up smoking. I begged you to go to class, stop smoking. You refused. I was miserable most of the time, but didn’t realize it.
  • The following fall. You were living with your parents because you did even worse the spring semester than the previous fall. We saw each other on weekends. This is when things started to get bad. You insisted on some form of sex every time I visited. Whether I wanted it or not. This was especially troubling as you were fully aware that I was sexually abused as a child.
  • You failed to notice how miserable I was. Things started to go downhill. I met someone else. He listened to my stories about you, told me that I had to get out.
  • I did.

After this point, you should be able to remember the rest of what happened. None of it was pretty. We tried to be friends after we split, and for a long time, we succeeded. Then I started to realize why I had broken up with you. It can all be summed up quite easily: your blatant refusal to consider any of my wants and needs. Oh, and the weekly almost-rape. As I realized how awful our relationship was, and how the only really good part was that first fall, I started to feel less bad about ending things. I started to feel uncomfortable about hanging out with you. I realized that by being your friend, I was not only seeming to condone your behavior, but setting myself up to be around when you picked out a new girl and started to treat her just how you had treated me. When all of this finally sunk in, I cut the friendship off. I didn’t call you and tell you why, I just ended it.

And now, months later? I’m even happier than I was then about ending things. My life is going spectacularly. Ours was a broken relationship from the start, and I think you may be a broken person. I only hope that you don’t hurt anyone else the way that you hurt me.

Sorry for the delay, this letter has figuratively been in the mail for six months. Complain to your mail carrier, not me.


Ok. That wasn’t as bad as I expected. I hope you made it through ok, dear readers. I’ve been meaning to get all that poison out for a while, and I am impressed that I did so without a single curse or exclamation point. At this point, the whole thing makes me sick, rather than angry. I can’t even feel hurt about it anymore, which explains the lack of emotion above. Anywho, as I promised, here is the funny breakup letter. It is perhaps the funniest thing I’ve ever seen, and I suspect I’ve posted it before. Regardless, watch it, and be prepared for my silly letter, up next. I’m off to go write it.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. February 12, 2009 3:33 am

    Your relationship sounds so familiar to the relationship I got out of last year. it’s amazing what we’ll put ourselves through before we finally realize that we deserve better, isn’t it? Glad you got out!

  2. Kendall permalink
    February 13, 2009 8:33 pm

    Hindsight really is a wonderful thing.

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